Jack Russell (sirenia9) wrote in otaren,
Jack Russell

  • Mood:
  • Music:

Another Fanfic attempt from the one and only Jack Russell

Otay so this was so much better in my head at work but since i couldn't write it down right then and there it's kinda not as good as it could have been ::shurgs:: oh wells. snanyway i dunno why i even started thinkin about this but here ya go yet another attempted fanfic from me. eventually you'll get more "Dancing Alchemists" (look i thought of a title XD;;) but for now here ya go.

Title: Lost
Character Perspective: Roy
Timeline: after Ed's disapperance
Notes: i know absolutely nothing about Roy's family so pretty much it's alls made up by me.

Roy Mustang had never felt so lost in his life.

In a sense he was completely empty inside. Everything and everyone he had ever truly cared for was gone. Nothing mattered anymore, not his goals, not anything. Or at least nothing had since the moment Hawkeye had broken the news to him about Edward’s disappearance. They had waited a month to tell him using the excuse “you were recovering.” The shock had numbed the pain of loosing his eye and within a month of being released from the hospital the Flame Alchemist had disappeared.

Roy cashed in all of his vacation days, which since the man hardly ever took a vacation turned out to be about three years worth, and began his search. He scoured all ends of the world just to find something anything that suggested Ed had been there or anywhere for that matter. That he still existed, for Roy could not and would not believe that Ed was truly gone. No he wouldn’t after all it was Edward “don’t call me short” Elric they were talking about. One could hardly believe that he would simply quietly disappear from this world for Ed had never in his life done anything quietly.

He had even gone to Xing, the one place that he had vowed to never in a million years return to not after what had happened all those years ago, but he had done it for Ed. Up until now just about everything had been done for that boy, no not boy for Ed had grown over the years into a young man.

There was nothing to be found anywhere, no signs, no nothing. People who met the Flame Alchemist on his journey all swore the man had gone mad, which in a way he had. Mad to find anything to prove people wrong and prove that the one he felt closest to was still here. It had been of course all for nothing because as it turned out the rumors were true, the Fullmetal Alchemist had pulled a disappearing act on the world.

A year after he had left Roy finally ran out of places to look and was forced to give in and go back. This didn’t mean he’d given up on Ed no it simply meant it was time to head back to what he was familiar with. They had over looked his year long absence and given him a promotion to Brigadier General for he was after all a hero of sorts. It was something Roy had been attempting to achieve for years and now that it was his he really didn’t want it not with what it meant.

In public he wore a mask. A mask that simply said “I’m fine. I’m coping with this loss and moving on with my life. And I still want mini skirts in the army, just wait and I’ll get them.”

It was a lie of course. They never really knew just how much he blamed himself. For it was his fault wasn’t it? If he hadn’t responded to that letter little to late all those years ago then they wouldn’t have been able to go through with the transmutation. And if he hadn’t shown up that night and told Edward to come find him then Ed never would have become a state alchemist nor would he have had to endure the things he had all because of those stupid missions that had been all Roy’s idea. Oh yes the blame was definitely all his and his alone.

Eventually they had believed the mask. Hawkeye of course was the last to give in but even she had after some time. And now he moved about everyday as if he was fine, perfectly fine. So what if all of his paperwork was later than it normally was or that his temper was a tad bit shorter than usual, he was fine after all.

In truth he wasn’t fine, not at all. Roy Mustang held himself completely to blame for all of the recent events, but there was more to it than that. He was lonely so terribly lonely. Not that he would do anything to fix that for that fateful day Edward Elric disappeared from the world Roy had once again closed his heart.

To begin with Roy had a hard time letting people in anyway, but who could blame him. It was the typical reaction for a man who had lost so much so young. First his parents on that fateful day and then later she had gone away too. It had made sense for her to leave after all it was safer that way wasn’t it? Not that that stopped the longing in his heart for his family, his sister. Until Hughes had wiggled his way into Roy’s life he had wondered what family really was for his had been lost so long ago.

Wiggled his way in Hughes definatly had and Roy had gained not only a best friend but also a brother. He had always felt welcome in Maes and Gracia’s home, even if he did have to put up with the constant pictures in his face. He and Gracia had cried together when Maes had died, in private of course, and again later on for Edward. But now even the Hughes home felt odd. There was blame there too. Roy took all of the blame for Hughes death not caring that it had been done by a homunculus. After all it was him who had gotten Hughes involved. If only the man hadn’t decided to support him, but he had and now nothing could change what had happened. He still went to visit of course and to see Elysia for Hughes would never forgive him if he didn’t. He wore a mask there as well, for it wouldn’t do for Elysia to see her Uncle Roy sad and depressed.

The only other person to manage to get close to Roy’s heart had been Edward, even if he didn’t quite know it. True at first the boy had annoyed him, but over time annoyance had turned to appreciation, and then later to devotion. Strange wasn’t it that Roy who had always been the one people had devoted themselves to had become the devotee? For there wasn’t anything he wouldn’t have done for Ed. Sure they had fought constantly, but there was an underlying sense of caring.

He only wished Ed was still around to share it. Now even short jokes were no longer funny to him. Yes he was lonely and there was nothing that could be done to fix that. Not unless a certain short alchemist suddenly slammed open the door and loudly announced his return. It never happened that way though. After some time Roy learned not to look up at the door eagerly expecting Edward each time it opened only to be disappointed. Now he simply didn’t acknowledge it at all or at least not until Hawkeye announced that it was someone important.

From time to time Roy wondered why he had even taken on the new position to begin with instead of saying “screw you all” like he had wanted too. In the end it was the same answer as before: to build a better world.

Only this time it wasn’t for himself. No his stupid ambition didn’t matter anymore. Instead it was for Edward since he figured that the young alchemist would have wanted it that way. Roy could picture Ed saying to him “come on you shit Colonel get off your lazy ass and get to work.” He’d smile at that thought, one of the few times he ever smiled anymore.

And in the end that along with the thought that Ed would someday come back with a lame excuse as to why he had been gone was all that kept him going. After all the scars that were invisible took the longest to heal.

*so i strangely felt like giving Roy a missing sibling. actually i have this whole story in my head for that hmmm maybe someday i'll put it on paper XD;;
*oh and the Xing thing well see again with my whole Roy story in my head it's where Roy's parents met a brutal death when he was young so no wonder why he never wanted to go back, too many sad memories.
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic