on a special note Taisa this in no way means you're free of having to write the apartment fic!!!
Characters: Ed, Roy, Russell, and a small appearance from Al
Notes: inspired by random MSN conversations
“Stupid fucking Lemonhead!!!”
Edward Elric was of course referring to Russell Tringham the plant alchemist. The kid was without even trying to managing to one up the Fullmetal Alchemist in everything he did. And okay so Ed could forgive Russell for being another genius like him, he could almost forgive him for being taller than him when he was in fact younger than Ed, but this no this he could not forgive.
“Who the fuck does he think he is?” Ed pounded his fist taking his anger out on the poor desk in his dorm room. Al who was used to these types of outbursts coming from his brother just shrugged and went back to his book.
Just what unforgivable act had Russell done?
“He’s stolen him,” Ed gritted his teeth, “it’s just not fucking fair. Stupid little freak who the hell does he think he is?” Once again the desk received the blunt of Edward’s anger. Okay so maybe stolen him was not quite what had really happened, but in Ed’s mind that was precisely what had been done.
The current situation that had begun with a random series of totally unrelated events was beginning to get on Ed’s nerve. It had all started with Russell being offered a large research grant for his plant alchemy and then moving to Central. Since Fletcher still had a few years of school left he had stayed behind in Xenotime leaving Russell all alone in a rather large apartment supplied completely by the military.
And then in a rather unpredictable event Roy’s house had been destroyed. In short a car had flown off the road, crashed into the house, and then exploded leaving Roy’s house falling apart and unlivable. The military dorms had somehow for whatever reason been completely full and there were no other houses available at the time. So the colonel had had two choices stay at Hughes’ house or with a certain plant alchemist who had room to spare. And since Roy had no desire to commit himself to the never ending honeymoon 24/7, he was no where near that insane, he had chosen Russell’s apartment as his temporary place of residence. After all the kid was going to be a big part of the military’s future or at least Roy was predicting he would be and not to mention Russell was Edward’s friend so why not get to know him?
To everyone else all this had seemed logical, but the Fullmetal Alchemist on the other hand was a completely different story.
“He’s stolen him,” Ed repeated to himself. Perhaps he should stop acting as if he owned Roy, but in the end he was HIS colonel and Ed was not about to share.
“This is so childish what the fuck am I afraid of?” Ed thought to himself.
“You’re being replaced,” whispered a voice in his head.
“Fuck that there’s no way Roy would be able to replace me in his life,” Ed answered right back at the voice.
“But he is another genius and let’s face it that is how you two met. Not mention whose place is he living at?”
That damn voice was getting annoying Ed thought. “Screw this shit I’m not about to sit around and let this go on,” Ed shouted at no one in particular causing Al to jump.
“Nii-san where are you going,” Al asked from behind his book.
“Out,” Ed shouted as he slammed the door behind him.
Al just shook his head. He had a pretty good idea just as to where is brother was headed but decided this time he wasn’t needed. He smiled to himself. It was about time his brother got up and decided to go into action. Al had been wondering just how long Ed was going to sulk.
As Ed approached the apartment’s door he could hear loud voices.
“You stupid old bag of bones!!!”
“WHAT!!!” Ed heard Roy roar. “I’m only 32!!! Damn it 32!!! That is no where near the age for senior citizenship!!!!”
“Whatever you’re fucking older than dirt and that’s the truth. All I’m asking is that you kindly stop leaving a trail from your damn walker around MY apartment and stop trying to burn down the kitchen. Is that so much to ask?”
“Walker? What damn walker? I am the young and healthy Flame Alchemist I need no walker to get around you fool!!! As for the kitchen it was only a minor little mishap I told you I don’t cook but noooo you just wouldn’t listen!”
“Hmm would you listen to that ego. That depth perception really gets in the way doesn’t it?”
“Now you listen here you little shit….”
Roy’s counter attack was interrupted by a knock on the door that Roy knew could only be made by automail.
“Hello Edward. What can we do for you,” Roy asked his tone changing instantly as he opened the door.
“Oh nothing much just thought I’d drop by and see the hell hole- I mean place you’re living in.” Somehow the steal-Roy-away-from-Lemonhead-attack that Ed had been working on the entire walk over had gone almost out the window.
“Oh and what does the world’s smallest alchemist want,” Russell asked from his place on the couch.
“Why you fucking tall jackass…..”
Roy held Ed back with one arm, closed the door with his other arm, and calmly said, “You know Ed if you’re that worried about what I might be doing why don’t you move in as well?”
“Yeah well I suppose I could.” Ed shrugged, “I mean it’s not like I’ve got anything better to do than make sure you two don’t kill each other and Al could use the time alone.” All the while thinking to himself, ‘son of a bitch he’s seen right through me. How does he always do that?’
Roy simply smiled and said, “Welcome home Ed.”
Through the closed door Russell could be heard saying, “Who the fuck said he could stay? The hell do you think you are god or something? Fucking state alchemists!!!”
And so it was that the three alchemists came to live together in the same apartment in a never ending battle of wits.